Apply a tourniquet to midsection and twist....

Wow...you're brave enough to continue reading a menstruation post...be warned...graphic in nature! :)

I just love being a woman! Once every 28 days (if your blessed to have a normal menstrual cycle) we bleed. "Normal" is said to be 35 milliliters. That's about 7 teaspoons or a little over an 1/8 of a cup (and as someone who spends a good deal of time in the kitchen, I can tell you that is NOT a lot!).

Why is it then that I feel like I dump all that out each hour? Seriously, when you have to use a tampon AND and maxipad to stem the tide it's ridiculous!

I was late getting ready to take the oldest to school this morning so I actually didn't get out of the shower and dressed until 7:00am. I put on my menstrual armor round about that time and headed out not long after. After dropping my oldest off at school I headed to the pharmacy on Fort Hood to pick up a prescription. This is normally a tedious task, but said tedium was performed 2 days earlier when I dropped the prescription off. Pick up is a joy, especially at 8:20am.

So back to the car by 8:30am and ready to head to the commissary for some light shopping. I felt wet. But how could this be with all my armor on and only 1-1/2 hours after donning it!?!? Arriving at the commissary the first stop was to the rest room where I checked the mirror. Yep...wet. Luckily, I had a long purse that I could sling so it covered my behind without having to do the old "remove your jacket and tie it around your waist" move which merely lets everyone know that you've bled yourself, because that style is sooo 10 minutes ago.

Sadly, I had to actually grab some more menstrual armor while I was there because I had no more armor "with wings". The corks OK...but no more wings. Through the self-checkout I went and then sat on my cardigan on the way home so I wouldn't bleed on my car seat.

Change cork - done
Change pad with "wings" - done
Change underwear - not necessary (see below)
Change jeans - done

Get back in the car to drive 20 more minutes back to the commissary to purchase food.

So "wings". What a lovely invention. If I remember correctly the wings are there to protect your underwear. They really do a remarkable job (for the most part). The blood wraps right around the maxipad and then soaks through my pants...the underwear are protected though! Good job!

I remember my mom talking about her dreadful periods. I felt so lucky that I wasn't like that. Then I had my first child and the periods were heavier afterward. Not horrible, but a marked increase in that alleged 7 teaspoons of blood. Still didn't have to worry about doubling up my armor, but I had to check frequently.

Then I had my second child and the flood gates opened. I think he rearranged things in there because I've never been "regular" since he was born!  And as for my monthly cycles, yeah right!  For me that's now anywhere between 21-29 days...yes, it sucks...3 weeks between periods and your bleeding for a week of that so it's 2 weeks period free...ewe...not the sheep, but EEEYWWWEE!

My goodness, what would happen if I managed to convince my hubby to go for a 3rd!?! I'd have to be seen for regular transfusions!

I love being a woman, but this is just too icky.

And a couple of other random menstral notes:

-You get some pretty awesome gas when you've got your period. But it honestly sucks when you're trying to push out a good fart and you vaginally shoot out what seems like all 7 of those teaspoons! What is that some cruel joke from God? Like saying, "Thou shall not fart"

-And Twilight fans: What did Edward do when Bella had her period? I mean she was like completely yummy to him to begin with, so when she was oozing blood once a month what did he do? HA! There you go Stephanie Meyer! The giant hole in your saga! Oh wait...it's fiction!!! (Can people start acting like it is now? Good books and all but still FICTION!)